Slacker Mom

Lately I have totally been feeling like a slacker in the mom department.  I don't know where this stems from but probably from Smith's first friend's birthday party.  I beat myself up about not doing this or that but really there is no reason too.  I am the mom I am supposed to be.  This is what I mean though...

I have never put Smith is any sort of "class".  No swim lessons, no music lessons, so whatever lessons.  Every other mom seems to be on top of this and have plenty of disposable income to do all of these things.  In part, my social anxiety in  new situations stops me from trying the classes but the other part is they are so damn expensive.  Ty just started a new job and he doesn't expect to make any commision for 9-12 months.  So we are poor for a while.

I am not crafty nor do I really care to be.  I can't sew anything or monogram anything or decopage (does anyone do that anymore??).  I don't do pinterest because I signed up for it one time and it overwhelmed me with what I wasn't doing, so I quit.  It made me feel like a loser for not having a freezer full of fabulous meals, beautifully decorated house and an amazing nursery.  Just don't need more guilt to add to my pile.

I am not a good cook and I don't really like to cook nor do I want to learn.  It just doesn't interest me.  I already have anxiety at the grocery store bill and I get like 10 things for Smith and there goes $100 (damn allergies).  Lately, Ty's meals consist of mac n cheese (I make him put peas in it just to try to convince myself it's semi ok to eat-gross) and my meals consist of chips, an apple and some candy.  Winner!

Smith's nursery is still not exactly how I want it to be...yes, he is over a year.  We were living in a rental house when he first arrived so I knew it would be awhile before I really put together his nursery.  Fast forward many, many months and it is still not finished.  I just got the crib I wanted for him in January.  Yes, he had a crib but I didn't like it.  I ordered it at PBkids because it was on sale and when I got it in I hated it.  It was the wrong color, the wrong style the wrong everything but I didn't say anything and just lived with it.  That was until Smith decided he didn't like it and wanted to chew his way out of it.   I realize kids teeth but when your child wakes up from a nap with paint chips in his month and all over his face you decide that is just not right.  So after spending 2 months of the phone with customer service (they were ridiculous) we got our money back and got rid of the crib.  He now has a great iron crib, which is what I wanted from the beginning but just didn't want to spend the money.  Anyway, finally have the bed I like, the dresser and bookcase.  I just need a new rug, new bedding for his twin bed, new twin bed (another long story related to buying an antique bed without measuring, ugh) and then we will be done!  Hehe, not much at all.....

Smith has been invited to approximately 5 play dates in his 14 months.  Every other mom goes to like 2 or 3 a week.  Where are my friends with kids?  All of my Nashville friends have moved away and the ones that are here live in Nashville and I moved to the Burbs.  I'm out of the loop and Smith is missing out.  That is why at the birthday party it became apparent that his social skills with other kids his age were lacking.  He is used to being around his older cousins and doesn't really jive with the younger crowd.  He hung out in the ball bit (by himself) while everyone else was eating cake.  It was so cute and yet I got a little sad.  He is super social and talkative when he knows people but very reserved and quiet when he doesn't.  Sounds a little familiar, huh??Mommy fail.


I can't be the only mom to feel this way.  Why do we beat ourselves up?    It is tough enough to survive the day while chasing a toddler (wow, I really have one of those) and making sure his needs are met but I make it harder on myself by constantly looking to what I don't do.  That's just silly.